Holding Space for Pregnancy and Infant Loss: Ways to Honour and Heal

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month — a time when so many women and families quietly remember the babies who never made it home, the dreams that ended too soon, and the versions of themselves they lost along the way.

For some, these losses are recent and raw. For others, they happened years ago but still ache in the quiet moments — birthdays that never came, milestones that only existed in their imagination.

As a therapist — and as a woman who has experienced multiple pregnancy losses myself — I know that the grief that follows can be deep, disorienting, and often invisible. You may feel like the world keeps moving while you’re standing still. You might even question whether your grief “counts” because others didn’t know your baby, or because the loss happened early. But it counts. You count.

Grief after pregnancy loss isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you learn to live with — to carry with tenderness and to integrate into your life and identity. And that process, while painful, can also be a doorway into compassion, strength, and meaning.

The Silent Weight of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

One of the hardest parts about pregnancy loss is how invisible it can feel. You may not have a photo to hold, a birth certificate, or a funeral to attend. There might not be a name or a clear way to mark what happened. But the love was real. The anticipation was real. The grief is real.

Women often tell me they feel like they have to hide their sadness because others minimize their loss or offer platitudes like “everything happens for a reason.” Those comments, though well-intended, can deepen the sense of isolation.

For many of us, grief shows up in waves — triggered by someone else’s baby shower, a due date that never arrived, or even a pregnancy announcement on social media. It can show up in your body, too — the ache of emptiness, the hormonal crash, the physical reminders that your body was preparing for life but never got to complete that journey.

When I experienced my own losses, I remember feeling like my body had betrayed me — and also feeling betrayed by the silence around me. I longed for someone to simply say, “I see you. I see how much this hurts. This is not your fault”

Understanding the Layers of Grief

Grief after pregnancy or infant loss isn’t only about the baby — it’s about the future you imagined. It’s the identity you were beginning to form as a mother, the hope that lived inside you, the dreams that took shape with every heartbeat or ultrasound.

This kind of loss can also stir up anxiety, guilt, or shame — especially when you start to wonder if you did something wrong. (You didn’t.)

It can strain relationships as partners grieve differently or struggle to find the right words. It can make future pregnancies feel fraught with fear instead of joy. It can even change how you see the world and your place in it.

As a psychotherapist, I often remind clients that grief is not a straight line. It loops and circles. You may feel like you’ve found peace one day and fall apart the next. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a way to carry both love and loss at the same time.

Ways to Honour Your Loss

There is no “right” way to grieve, but there are ways to honour your grief. These rituals don’t erase pain, but they can help give it shape — transforming something invisible into something witnessed and held.

Here are a few ideas that I’ve seen help women and families:

1. Create a Ritual or Memory Space

Light a candle on significant days, plant a tree, or keep a small keepsake in a special place. Rituals help mark the significance of what was lost — and they give your heart permission to pause and remember.

2. Name Your Baby (Even if Others Don’t)

Naming your baby can validate your connection. It gives you language to use when you talk about your loss — even if you only use it privately.

3. Write a Letter

Write to your baby, your body, or your past self. Express everything you didn’t get to say. Writing can be a gentle release, helping your grief move rather than stay stuck inside.

4. Mark the Date

Whether it’s your due date, loss date, or awareness month, find ways to honour it. Light a candle, take a walk, or share a post to raise awareness. You can make meaning in your own way.

5. Talk About It (When You’re Ready)

Finding someone safe to share your story with — a friend, partner, therapist, or support group — can help you feel less alone. Speaking your loss out loud is an act of courage.

How Therapy Can Support Healing After Pregnancy Loss

Therapy doesn’t make grief disappear, but it can create a safe and compassionate space to explore it — without judgment or expectation.

In therapy, you might:

• Process the trauma of how the loss happened — especially if it was sudden, medicalized, or physically distressing.

• Explore your emotions — anger, jealousy, sadness, numbness — and understand that they’re all valid.

• Reconnect with your body — learning to rebuild trust and compassion toward yourself.

• Strengthen your relationships — by learning how to communicate your needs and understand your partner’s grief.

• Find meaning — not as a replacement for your loss, but as a way to integrate it into who you’re becoming.

  
  

For women in Port Perry, Kawartha Lakes, Durham Region, and across Ontario, therapy can be a way to stop carrying your grief alone. At Journey of Hope Counselling & Psychotherapy, I support women navigating pregnancy and infant loss, grief, and the identity shifts that follow. My approach combines professional knowledge with lived understanding — walking beside you as you rebuild hope and self-trust.

When Grief Intersects with Anxiety or Future Pregnancy

Pregnancy loss often changes how you approach the future. If you become pregnant again, you might find it hard to feel joy. Every appointment might bring anxiety. Every milestone can feel like waiting for bad news.

Therapy can help you hold both — the fear and the hope — without judgment.We can work together to manage anxiety, develop grounding techniques, and process trauma responses that sometimes emerge during subsequent pregnancies.

And if you’re not ready to try again — that’s okay too. Healing doesn’t follow a calendar. You are allowed to take all the time you need.

For Partners and Loved Ones

Partners grieve too, but often differently. Some may focus on “being strong” and suppress their own pain. Others might not know how to support you when words feel inadequate.

It can help to:

• Share what kind of support you need (presence, listening, space, practical help).

• Remind each other that grief isn’t a competition — it’s a shared story with two perspectives.

• Seek couples therapy if communication becomes difficult or strained.

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You both lost something, even if it feels different. Healing together can strengthen your connection rather than distance you.

Finding Hope Again

It’s possible to carry your grief and still move toward healing. There will come a day when the pain softens, when remembering feels less like breaking and more like honouring.

That doesn’t mean you stop missing your baby. It means you’ve learned how to make space for both your love and your life. You are still a mother. You are still whole — even if you feel broken right now.

Healing isn’t about letting go. It’s about learning how to hold on differently.

If You’re Navigating Pregnancy or Infant Loss in Ontario

You don’t have to do this alone.

At Journey of Hope Counselling & Psychotherapy, I provide in-person therapy in Port Perry and the surrounding areas, and virtual counselling for clients across Ontario. Whether you’re navigating a recent loss, processing complex emotions from years ago, or preparing for pregnancy again, there is space here for your story.

Together, we can help you find a sense of peace, connection, and hope — one small, gentle step at a time.

Explore therapy to support your healing journey. You can reach out today to book a consultation or learn more about therapy for pregnancy and infant loss at https://journeyofhopecounsellingandpsychotherapy.janeapp.com/#/staff_member/1