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Always a Mother: Honouring Mothers Who's Babies Never Reached The Nursery

Updated: May 27

Honouring motherhood during pregnancy loss

As a mother who's experienced multiple devastating pregnancy losses myself, this topic holds a sacred place in my heart. While I have been so unbelievably blessed to also have living children, the ones we never met, never held, never had the chance to know are always close in thought. The fragility of life is never lost on us as a family. I can still remember the moments of complete and utter despair when we found out that our little babies would never be ones that we could accompany on their journey through life. The abrupt halt that our lives and dreams suddenly came to after hearing the news that every pregnant couple or parent dreads to hear.

While we spend time on Bereaved Mother's Day honouring our angel babies and our role as their forever parent, in many ways every day is Bereaved Mother's Day. To those who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss, we are reminded of the too large to fill, gaping hole in our hearts continuously throughout our lives. Grief is not a linear journey. It is one that is filled with uncertainty, and unpredictability. Healing from losses of the heart looks different for each and every one of us, and as a therapist and a survivor of pregnancy loss, I am still learning every day about what supports my own healing, as well as others.

Giving Permission in Pregnancy Loss

While we may stand beside our loved ones and offer continuous support, we often tend to judge ourselves the most severely. One important aspect of healing is to allow yourself permission to do what feels right for your heart; something that may vary from moment to moment. Try giving yourself permission in the following areas on your journey to recovery from loss.

Do Absolutely Nothing

Sometimes your loss may be too recent, too raw, or too painful to do anything as a memorial. Do what feels right in your heart today.

Talk About Your Child

Share memories of your pregnancy or child. Say their name. Remember and honour them in the moments you were able to spend together, even if they were only while you carried their beautiful life within you. Something that many bereaved parents long for is for someone to ask about their child/pregnancy loss. Talking about our children, helps us embrace the continuing bond we have with them.

Experience Joy Joy and grief can exist together in the same moment. If you have living children, you can experience joy with them while also experiencing profound sadness for the lives that didn't make it until today. It is also ok to honour their life, while also honouring your own.

Honour Your Feelings

It's ok to feel a range of emotions, not just today but in all the days following. Grief is full of unpredictability, confusing emotions, and moments of despair that you could have never predicted. Make space to move through the feelings, even the difficult ones.

In all of your moments, it's important to remember that you are NOT in this experience alone. You have become a member of a very special group that no one would ever willingly join, and yet one that brings us all together with immense empathy for one another. I see you. I hear you. And I certainly feel you.

If speaking to a therapist to connect in a safe space and explore some of the emotions that accompany this unique grief is part of your healing journey, reach out to us today to schedule a free consultation. Let us companion you, while you move through this journey of grief, sadness, connection and healing.

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